With the increase in downtime, I’ve read more books than I ever have in a year. I’m currently, and proudly, on my 44th read of the year. While there were a few books that really stood out (which I’ll outline in an upcoming post), Glennon Doyle’s Untamed is almost always the first one that comes to mind.

Her memoir inspires readers to deviate from society norms, look past what one should do and listen to their inner selves to do selfishly and appropriately do what’s best for you.

I have certainly fallen victim to making decisions based on a multitude of things: what the internet says, what I believe those around me would approve of, and listening to every opinion other than looking inward and considering, what do I actually think? How do I feel?

Doyle talks about stopping to consider “not this” and learn to trust that. Not this toxic relationship. Not this devaluing friendship. Not this unfulfilling job. It’s easier to identify “not this” but how can we know “this.” How do we know what we want?

She suggests asking yourself this question: what is the truest, most beautiful version that I can imagine?

What is the truest, most beautiful relationship I can imagine?

That’s today’s question for me. I’ve had a fair share of unhealthy relationships, both as the instigator and the victim and I’m trying to do better at identifying the “not this” and walking away before enduring months, years of relationships that are not worthy of my time and effort. OF me.

So what is the truest, most beautiful relationship I can imagine?

One full of laughs, of trust, and dependence. And dependence not that I can’t live without them, but knowing when I need them, they’ll be there. I picture a relationship where I can rest my head lazily on their lap and chat with them easily, effortlessly, and openly. I picture reading a book with a cup of tea in my hand, legs draped lazily over theirs. I picture pure bliss reflected on my partner’s face as I see them light up from watching me excitedly tell them a story filled with personal wins. I picture being bundled up watching the stars together. I picture opinions I value and long to hear. I picture falling in love with a person’s complicated, twisted, optimistic, creative, and loving mind. I picture not speaking with them hours at a time when we’re not together and not feeling worried. Being so comforted by trust, I never worry. Never question if the words they’re saying is truth. I picture a best friend, and no doubt at knowing I could spend endless time with them.